Oh wow, I had forgotten all about this blog. I’m sure you’ve all missed me. All…five of you.
So yeah, we lost our weight. I lost about 50 lbs, and regained about 10-15 or so, but I’m stabilized. Jody lost about 60 lbs in 5 1/2 months. He’s currently working out like a madman, cycling and lifting weights to shed the remaining padding and build some serious muscle. He is looking pre-tty good *appreciative eyebrow wiggle*.
I wore my bikini to the beach. Several times. That’s the good news. Bad news is that the body I found under all the fat is not the one I remembered from 10 years ago. Ugh, God. My skin fits a bit like a worn out elastic band on an old pair of granny panties. My arthritis is kicking up for some reason, so that’s also just…great. And of course, I just generally look 10 years older. But all in all? It ain’t bad. I’ll take the floppy skin and saggy boobs and ass over the juicy peach I was a year and a half ago. I was an unhappy camper then, that’s for sure.
I’ve also developed a newfound confidence that I had never dreamed of before my 40’s. I’ve given myself permission to be imperfect, and I love myself for it. I’m amazed that I really, truly do not give a flying fuck what people think of me. I’m pretty much done with that, and I’m starting to realize what a gift that could be to share with other people. To show them how that’s done.
I’ve been experimenting lately with something – just dipping my toes in – but it’s showing some real promise. I’m toying around with the idea of not asking other people permission anymore. You know, to do things that I want to do. I always know the answer when I ask: a resounding ‘no’, usually coupled with a derisive snort and a shake of their head that I could be so stupid for even considering venturing outside my tidy little box. And so I don’t do the thing, or be the thing, that I wanted to do or be, and they’re like, “See? Told you so.” Well…of course I didn’t achieve it…because I didn’t actually…you know…really try.
My whole life, I’ve been told I was too much, too much, too much. I don’t even know what ‘too much’ really looks like, because I’ve only ever hinted at it. I don’t think I’ve ever really cut loose with what I considered to be ‘too much’. So. The trick now is to pick some stuff to do, and just do it. Lost the weight. Check. Bikini on the beach. Check. Go back to school? Maybe. I do have to wait my turn, however; kids take priority there. Must start a list…